One of the more emotional days

I have been pretty sick the last couple days and because of the party Saturday, my pumping had just been poor. I felt real guilty about it yesterday, seeing as I am pumping to feed another woman's baby. I am also out of lactation meds and what Ive been trying to do just isn't cutting it. All things considered, I have kept my supply at least twice as long as I expected. I think this just might finally be it for me. I just hope V will understand and some day pick up the phone so I can have a good cry with her and talk to her.

Jas and I also decided that today would be the day we would move some of Elora's ashes into Charlies keepsake necklace, the sterling silver cross shaped box I got for her memory box, and into the baby bear we keep on the bed. Once I get around to cleaning out the huge living room fish tank and move the schooling fish out of our room, we plan to move the memory box to our room and out of the bassinet.

Gonna be lots more tears to come I just know it. Pray for strength to get me thru this evening...

Updated--I decided it was not right to just throw away the paper we used to make a funnel and the biodegradable spoon we used to scoop her ashes. I burned the paper at the base of the magnolia tree and buried the spoon under our rose bush in the garden.